There are so many days of motherhood that just overwhelm me. I know I’m the only one since every other woman is cooking fancy meals and recreating Pinterest projects in between teaching their toddlers how to speak Mandarin and write calligraphy.
There are days where I spend literally hours counting down to the kids’ bedtime. Not because I don’t love them or even enjoy mothering them, but because they are so gosh-darn exhausting. Ella is in a “why?” phase, and Michael is in a “destroy everything or relocate it to the toilet or trash can” phase. I’m up to my elbows in toilet water and diapers (thankfully, not together… yet) and giving lots of “Because God made it that way” kind of answers, and of course, throwing out that phrase for which my friends love to tease me: “Ella, please control your emotions.” Parenting an emotional 3-year old and a destructo-1-year-old is serious business. I find myself collapsing on the couch, bed, pile of laundry, floor, etc at the end of the day, looking ragged and haggard and other double-g words, and – wait for it –
I begin to miss my kids.
I’ll let that sink in…
I literally just put them to bed. I’ve been waiting for this moment all day. I opened up wine 15 minutes ago so it could breathe while I sang lullabies and tucked in little faces. I set the DVR to play “Drop Dead Diva” (Oh, stop judging, you people who watch The Bachelor.)
But I begin to think about their chubby little faces, kissable bellies, musical giggles, curly hair, bright eyes, and their oh-so-unconditional love for me, and I’m all ILoveMyKidsSoMuchWhy WasISoImpatientWithThemTodayICan’tEverLeaveThemToGoOnVacationBecauseICan’tBeAwayFromThemThatLongIMissThemSoMuchI’mAWreckWhat’sWrongWithMe.
What is wrong with me? Anyone?
I leave for vacation with my husband and our two best friends in 8 days. We’ll be out of the country for a week without our kids. And instead of counting down to the enjoyment of it all, I’ve actually begun to stress out about missing my babies. What the fudge muffins is wrong with me??