I think this post will connect with other Christians, but I hope my non-Christian friends enjoy the perspective too. I’ve been thinking lately about what it really means to be a Christian, to live in community with other Christians, and to become more Christlike every day…and still be real.
Living in Christian community means being vulnerable to others. It means we study scripture, we worship God, and we help each other become more like Christ. Functionally, this means we sometimes point out when a friend could change a habit or adjust their thinking about something. It could be small, like telling a friend that her fight with her husband about who should do the dishes was really an example of selfishness on her part. If we are really to think of others more highly than ourselves (see Romans 12 and Philippians 2:3), than I should do the dishes every night, because Mike surely doesn’t want to do them. I think of him more highly than myself when I do something for him that he would rather not do. We may help our friends adjust something bigger, like telling a friend that he drinks too much. Addiction of any kind is a form of idolatry, but even outside the Christian context, addiction is understood as a debilitating problem that steals people’s joy, time with family, and sometimes health and life.
It takes vulnerability to allow other people to say these things to us. Laura, you are selfish. Laura, you drink too much (calm down. it’s an example. i don’t have a drinking problem). Laura, be more like Christ. We don’t do it out of a desire just to change our behavior. Rather, we lean on the power of the Holy Spirit to change because we want to be like Jesus. To walk like him, talk like him, and bring him joy. It is our joy to do this, even when it’s hard.
So what am I wrestling with? Other than it being hard to accept criticism, what’s the problem? Well, I’m glad you asked. There’s a culture within the Christian faith that causes people to talk a certain way. Act a certain way. It began innocently enough, as any like group of people develops their own vocabulary. But it can become exclusive, alienating, and… fake. I call it “Christianese.” It’s a dialect.
It’s easy to hear “Laura, you’re being selfish” and react fakely, with a humble nod and a Christianese stand-by line of “Thank you for sharing this with me. You’re so kind to care about me enough to bring this to my attention.” BLAH. Come on, who thinks that way? If I hear “Laura, you’re being selfish,” my first reaction is defense, then anger/crying. I want to have a humble heart, and eventually God always brings me to that place, but until then? What do I do? I fake it. And that’s my point, I guess. Christianese can get fake really fast, and I don’t think that brings God glory. I think a better response can be “Wow, that is really hard to hear. I’ll admit my first reaction is to defend myself and argue, but I need to take time and then react later.” Isn’t that real? Isn’t it honest? Isn’t that what God actually wants his children to do: be real with each other?
I don’t feel like I’m articulating my thoughts very well, but I’m going to wrap it up anyway. I am making a conscious effort to BE REAL with my fellow Christians. Some of you may notice I sound more blunt. Or more sinful. Well, I am sinful. I always have been. It’s just that now, instead of hiding it and sounding humble and spiritual, I’m taking off my mask and baring it all. I want you to know me – even the dark, icky, sticky, sinful bits.
I think God wants this realness. I hope I’m right. And I hope that the church and God’s people can all be real as we interact with each other and with non-Christians. I hope my non-Christian friends see the realness of my church family and are drawn to Christ because of it.
A few friends have asked me recently to give them tips on saving money with coupons, so I thought it deserved its own post. So, here is my attempt to introduce you to couponing and sales, specific to the Arlington area and its stores (though I think everyone else can benefit from it, too).
First of all, I follow a few blogs and brands online. Here are a few I think you’ll love:
- frugalcouponliving.com (also on Facebook – get deals in your newsfeed)
- Totallytarget.com (also on Facebook)
- CVS (on facebook – get coupons and notices on deals)
On that note, become a frequent shopper everywhere. The little savings passes are almost always free, and the deals can get great (and sometimes free!). For example, I am a member of the CVS Extra Care Rewards Program, the RiteAid Wellness Plus Program, the Giant Shoppers Program, and the corresponding programs for PetCo, Harris Teeter, Wegmans, Safeway, and various restaurants.
The second thing you need to know is: you must get the Sunday newspaper for your area. It’s the best way to get coupons. It pays for itself – trust me.
You can also get coupons online. Try googling specific coupons, or visit these sites:
- coupons.com (requires an applet download. Very reliable and trustworthy. Also FREE)
- slickdeals.net (great search feature; allows filtering by coupons, deals, etc)
- couponbeat.com (I just discovered this one. I used it, and it worked. More on this later.)
The third thing you need to know is kind of obvious but needs to be said: hold your coupons until you can combine them with a sale. The more you review your local stores’ weekly ads (called “circulars”), the more familiar you will become with what goes on sale when, and what a good price is compared to trumped up marketing that makes something look like a good deal.
A few important rules:
- You can usually only use one coupon per item. So, if I have a coupon for $1 off a salad dressing, and a coupon for $.75 off the same dressing, I cannot use both. I can only use both if I buy 2 salad dressings – one coupon per item. The exception to this rule is “stacking,” which I will explain later.
- You can’t usually get money back if your coupons are worth more than the price of the item, but you can still “make a profit.” For example, if brownies are on sale for $1, and you have a $2 coupon, just buy something else (something that you NEED), and that extra $1 from the coupon will go toward that item. If ALL you buy are the brownies, you’ll pay $0 (plus tax) and won’t get the full savings. This is usually what people mean when they say they made a profit, or that a deal is a moneymaker. The only time you actually make a profit is when you use a coupon with a sale AND a rebate. Those are sweet.
- Expiration dates are a joke. Most cashiers don’t pay attention to them, and the bar codes still scan.
Next: know your local stores’ coupon policies. Most coupon policies are corporate and can be found on the store’s website. Here are some highlights to get you started:
Giant Grocery (giantfood.com):
- They double coupons worth $.99 or less, every day. If your coupon is for $.75, you’ll get $1.50 off your item(s). Every day. It’s awesome.
- They accept competitor’s coupons. This is huge, because you can stack coupons (more on that later). If they give you a hard time at checkout, you may need to ask to see a manager or go to the service desk. I do this at least once a week, and by now they just ask me what to take off my bill, and they do it without questioning. I’m that customer.
- They sometimes send out 4 doubler coupons with their weekly circular. These doubler coupons extend their doubler policy to coupons worth $1, so you can save up to $2 on one item. Doubler coupons usually start appearing in the summertime.
- Target has store coupons online! Did you know that? Go to Target.com and scroll down (not all the way). In the middle of the page you’ll see coupon savings, daily deal, and Follow us in a row. Click on the coupon section, browse, and pick your coupons. To print them off, you will need to download an applet (just click “allow” when a popup appears).
- This isn’t an official policy, but my experience is that they are very loosey-goosey with their acceptance of coupons. They accept expired coupons, multiple coupons for one item, etc. It largely depends on your cashier, but keep trying and you’ll learn who to go to and how to get the most savings.
- They double coupons every day, just like Giant.
Now, as promised, what is “stacking”? Stacking coupons simply means that you stack different types of coupons on top of each other for ONE item. Here is where the Target coupons get handy. All stores will take one manufacturer’s coupon (these are the ones you’re used to seeing in the newspaper) and one store coupon (e.g., Target) for one item. So, using my previous salad dressing analogy, if you had a $1 manufacturer’s coupon (e.g., Kraft), and a $.75 store coupon (e.g., Target), you can use them both. Bonus: if your manufacturer’s coupon is less than $1, it will be doubled at Harris Teeter and Giant.
Stacking also comes into play when the cashier is loosey-goosey, like at Target. For example, just this week I bought 2 Olay body lotions and 2 Olay face washes for FREE. How? Well, they were on sale for about $5 each. Target was running a deal where you got a $5 gift card when you bought 2 (so, it was kind of like Buy One Get One Free, or BOGO). I had 8 Olay coupons totaling over $10, which covered the cost of two of my purchases, and then the 2 $5 gift cards covered the rest. So… free. I should NOT have been allowed to use 8 coupons on 4 items, but it worked. 🙂 Target is the best place to try those stacks.
And my final tip: couponbeat.com. I don’t know how it works, but this lady has a million coupons from the newspaper inserts (the inserts are called “Smart Source” and “Red Plum,” among others) that she sells for around $.20 each, plus the cost of a postage stamp to snail mail them to you. This is only worth it if:
- a) you figure out what coupons you need early in the week, because you need to give them time to reach you before that week’s sale is over. I ordered mine on Tuesday morning and got them on Friday, but she doesn’t guarantee that.
- b) the deal is still good after the cost of your coupon/shipping. In my Olay coupon deal, it was. In many cases, the cost of the coupons/shipping negates the awesomeness of the deal. So use couponbeat.com wisely and sparingly.
So, to review: you need to get the newspaper, cut out coupons (cut ones out that you might not think you’ll use – you never know when a sale + coupon will make that item free), and compare your coupons to the weekly sales to get the best deals.
Here are a few deals to inspire you:
- Duncan Hines brownies are on sale for $1. Use the $1 coupons from this week’s newspaper to get it free.
- Schick hydro 3 or 5 razors or cartridges are BOGO. Use a $3 coupon for additional savings. (Check couponbeat if you don’t have this coupon)
- Aussie or Herbal Essences Shampoo or Conditioner is $2.77 each. Use a $1 coupon to make it $1.77.
- Quaker cereal is $2.99. Use a $1 coupon to make it $1.99. I have had this coupon for months. It’s finally paying off!
- Dove 2-pack body wash is $7.59. I’m going to try to use 3 coupons, totaling $3.50, which would make them $4.09, or $2.045 a piece.
I will post my Giant deals once I go through those, if y’all want. Let me know.
I can also do a follow-up post to address questions, so post comments to request more information, if you want!
Don’t you think? Me too.
And, finally… Ella crawled yesterday! Check out the video here.
Everything is worse at night. It’s because anything experienced in the middle of the night (after having gone to bed, that is) is something more than you want to experience, because, in fact, you hope to be unconscious all night long. So to be conscious enough to experience anything is, well, not fun. It’s why getting up to pee seems like an insurmountable task while you lay there in a stupor trying to convince yourself that it can wait until morning. While you fidget and toss and turn and cross your legs and squeeze your eyes shut and then finally get up and go. And it’s why I was sobbing at 2 am last night.
Ella cried from 1-3am. She wouldn’t sleep unless we held her and rocked her in the glider chair. We finally gave her infant Tylenol, but even that didn’t seem to help. I tried nursing her, but she bit me so hard that I started bleeding. So I put her down in her crib and came back to my bedroom and cried. It was like surround sound. Crying baby in one room; crying mommy in the other. Mike, murmuring to me and praying aloud that Ella would fall asleep and my pain would go away.
He didn’t know that the pain wasn’t just physical. There’s a deep emotional aspect to nursing, and when the baby chomps on you in the middle of the night, the shadowy existence convinces you it’s a rejection. It’s a rejection of you as Mommy. It’s a rejection of the milk you’re providing to your baby. It’s a rejection of the comfort you’re offering your child. So, while you burn in physical pain, your heart breaks as you contemplate whether it’s time to ween. Weening isn’t as much about the baby needing to gradually stop nursing as much as it is about the mother getting used to the idea that her baby is growing up, and that quiet time, that guaranteed quiet time 4-5 times a day is gone. It’s the middle of the night, and you’ve moved past the crying, the rocking, the not-sleeping… and are grieving the loss of your newborn. It’s ridiculous and emotional; it’s an exaggeration of the senses; it’s nighttime. It’s shadows. It’s dark and scary and painful and it feels like truth. All of life is encapsulated in the hours spent awake when you’d rather be asleep, and you just know… you know that everything is falling apart, your baby doesn’t need you anymore, your pain is never going to end and will, in all likelihood, turn into an infection, and life as you know it (and love it) is over, and the only logical thing to do is cry.
Then, of course, comes the dawn. Light filters in through the thunderstorm-washed windows, the dog yawns and stretches, the baby smiles, and your tear-stained cheeks are the only hint that you almost lost your sanity 4 hours ago. It’s day. Time to start anew.
They keep delivering us newspapers on a daily basis, even though we only pay for (and want) the Sunday paper for the coupons. And me being the impeccable housewife I am, I let the unwanted newspapers accumulate in the front yard until it looks like a trailer park, and then I pick up all 22 of them and throw them in the recycling bin.
They’re a nuisance, a mess. They’re unwanted and annoying, and I’ve called the paper to ask them to stop delivering. Yet here they are, like manna from heaven.
And manna they were, because they became quite useful last night. I had put my daughter to bed much, much earlier, eaten dinner, washed the dishes, tidied the house, and climbed into bed around 11. I probably drifted off to sleep around 11:30. Then, at 11:58 pm, my zealous chocolate lab started barking ferociously and jumping up onto our picture window. It was LOUD. I woke up and sprang from my bed and flew down the stairs, hissing all the while for the dog to shut up before he wakes the baby. He kept barking, and I looked outside to see the object of his wrath: two cats sitting in our front lawn, meowing and licking themselves and having a grand old time.
My dog kept barking, so I cracked open the front door and, in a whisper-y yell, said “SHOO! SHOOOO!” because apparently I think that actually works in real life. (It doesn’t.) Next step: run outside, in my pajamas, barefoot. Run back inside to grab a coat off the coat rack. Look around frantically for shoes. The dog, still barking. No shoes nearby, so I run back out and suffer the 30 degree pavement on my feet.
I ran at the cats, waving my hands like a revival goer and yelling “Shoo! Get outta here! I hate you!” Harsh words, I know. They just blinked at me. I got closer, and one cat had the good sense to run away, while the other one eyed me with warily and said “rweeeaawwwwrrw.”
Um. Something told me there was something not quite right about this cat. Could it be his stub of a tail? His gooey eyes? His half-meow? His hoarse voice? I don’t know, but he was creeeepy. And I was cold. And the dog was still barking.
So thank goodness for the Washington Post newspaper. I picked them up one by one and started throwing them at the cat. He sat there through several attempts, probably knowing all the while that there was about a 1% chance that my aim would actually reach him. After three throws, however, one landed within a foot of him, so he took the hint and sauntered off to terrorize another neighbor.
My feet frozen, I walked back inside, drew the curtains, ordered the dog to “bed,” and stumbled upstairs to thaw my toes and get some sleep. Remind me to write a letter to the editor.
I suddenly realized I haven’t posted pictures in a really long time. So, for you non-Facebookers who have been left in the dark… here you go!
That’s what freezing rain looks like. pop rocks, kosher salt, lost treasure (specifically, diamonds). Clumps of crystals dive-bombing to the ground. The ground sparkles because of the thin layer of gravel, which is really just ice. It’s beautiful! And weird.
It’s supposed to transition to actual snow, and we’re expecting to get 4-8 inches tonight, which effectively canceled Mike’s day trip to South Carolina tomorrow. Yay! Maybe instead we can go sledding together…